


a host unto himself

by Sanna_Black_Slytherin



Series: The Other 51 [22]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton: national bisexual disaster, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Banter, Fluff, Gen, Humor, James Madison is scary when he's angry, M/M, Plot What Plot, Politics, President Hamilton, Texting, Twitter, literally nothing gets done, this is pure banter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-14 01:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9150583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanna_Black_Slytherin/pseuds/Sanna_Black_Slytherin
Summary: America reacts to #presidenthamilton: a sequel.aka, the reincarnation fic where Alexander Hamilton is president, and it has just leaked to the public.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Crossover_Addict](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Crossover_Addict).



> This is the illegitimate brainchild of _Crossover_Addict_ and myself. I swear, I was going to write something else. Oh well. *shrugs helplessly*
> 
> Alexander Hamilton = Alexander Hampton (POTUS) = AdotHam  
> James Madison = James Morrow (VPOTUS) = JemmyMorrow  
> Lafayette = Gilbert du Motier (State Secretary) = FrenchBaguette  
> Aaron Burr = Aaron Bartow (Attorney General) = AaronBartow  
> George Washington = George Westchester (doctor) = vineandfigtree  
> Martha Washington = Martha Westchester (writer) = overlady  
> John Laurens = John Lawrence (artist) = JdotMraw  
> Thomas Jefferson = Thomas Jenkins (lawyer) = Francoholic  
> Angelica Schuyler = Angie Smith (Press Secretary) = archangel_smith  
> Eliza Schuyler = Philippa Soo (actress) = actual_cinnamon_roll  
> Peggy Schuyler = Margaret "Peggy" Scott (FBI) = margarita32  
> Hercules Mulligan = Hercules Scott (tailor) = TaylorsUnited  
> Phillip Hamilton = Phillip Faucette (FBI) = Very_Special_Agent_Phillip_Faucette  
> Theodosia Burr Jr. = Theodosia Prevost Faucette (unspecified*) = speakupandsmile  
> Baron von Steuben = Frederick Schmidt (War Secretary) = HugMeFuckMe  
> *I keep thinking that 'unspecified' is code for the sort of stuff Mycroft does, to be honest.

_Ron Chernow_ @historylover49  
JUST MET THE GUYS AND OMG PEOPLE, IT'S HIM. IT'S THEM. #presidenthamilton  
_4 823 902 reblogs_

 _Lin-Manuel Miranda_ @Lin_Manuel  
Look around, look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now. #presidenthamilton

* * *

_Trending right now:_  
#kittens  
#presidenthamilton  
#donaldtrump  
#blacklivesmatter  
#carriefisher  
#why2k17isbetterthan2k16  
#hammie4prez  
#christianproblems  
#destiel  
#lmm

* * *

_To: doppelgänger_  
Hey, clone  
Mind if I quote you in a speech

 _From: doppelgänger_  
What  
Also, yes, go ahead  
Duuuuuh

 _To: doppelgänger_  
Prepare to be amazed  
#sorry not sorry  
#nope #not sorry  
#definitely not sorry

* * *

Alexander smiled blindingly at the camera, even as he was internally smirking. Lin gave him the go-ahead, not that there was a reason why he wouldn't, since his doppelgänger was just as big of a troll as he was.

He adapted the neutral voice of an airplane pilot. “Hello, the American people. This is your president speaking. I think we should address the elephant in the room. Well, the _proverbial_ elephant in the room, since James steadfastly refuses to let me purchase an actual elephant. If you follow Ron Chernow – which you really should because he is a brilliant historian, and I am actually only a little biased – you know the rumours circulating around concerning my past life.

“To go straight to the heart of the matter: yes, I am a reincarnate. I was Alexander Hamilton,” he made a dramatic pause for effect, then continued in a singing voice that he desperately hoped was in the right tone. “My name is Alexander Hamilton, and there's a million things I haven't done, but actually,” he reverted back to his normal voice, letting it take on a contemplative tone, “there's also a myriad of things that I have done, which should not be undervalued just because they are already finished, and really, if you think about it, what do we even define as 'doing a thing'? Is it executing the action? Where does the action begin, and where does it end? What is even a 'thing'? Are we talking nouns or concepts? And even if–“

“Alexander,” James hissed from behind the camera, “get to the point before I commit treason and shoot you. By God, I start to emphasize with Burr,” he shook his head.

“Right,” Alexander said brightly, “my vice president, who also happens to have been James Madison but refuses to join in with the singing – which is really for the best, since he is the single person who has a worse singing voice than I have – says that I need to get to the point. The point for today is that I wanted to formally acknowledge the rumours, because, contrary to some people's beliefs – I'm looking at you, Donald Trump,” he glowered at the camera, “I am able to hold press conferences. So yes, I, Alexander Hampton, am Alexander Hamilton's reincarnation. Hampton out,” he made the Ta'al with his right hand, smiling widely.

As soon as the camera shut off, Burr was at Alexander's side in an instant. “I think you broke the internet,” he said quietly, though he could not quite hide a small grin.

“Dear sir,” Alexander returned, “that was exactly what I was aiming for.”

“I hope you know Angelica will kill you,” Burr said, his mind already mapping out the consequences of Alexander's statement.

Alexander shrugged. “Nah, I think it will be good for public relations,” he responded. “Show the American people that their president isn't always holed up in his office, that he is able to relax a little.”

“Which you aren't,” said a voice from behind Alexander. Schmidt approached Alexander, giving him a considering look. “But at least you won over the hearts of all Trekkies, so there's that.”

Alexander grinned. “If I wanted to do that, I would have issued that statement in Klingonese.”

“You speak Klingonese?” Burr couldn't help but ask. He then huffed. “Of course you do. Why am I even asking? _Of course_ Alexander Hamilton speaks Klingonese.”

“I also speak Quenya, if that helps,” Alexander contributed helpfully.

“That's Elvish, right?”

Alexander rolled his eyes. “'Elvish' is actually a gross generalization, and entirely inaccurate. There are many different languages that qualify as 'Elvish'," he made air quotes. "You obviously have Quenya, which is a more formal language; you have Sindarin, which is, compared to Quenya, a more modern language, used in normal conversat–“

“Then why wouldn't you learn Sinarin?” Burr asked.

“ _Sindarin_ ,” Alexander corrected automatically. “And who the fuck wants to learn Sindarin when you've got Quenya?”

Schmidt smirked. “Spoken like a true Fëanorian.”

“I never claimed that I wasn't,” Alexander replied lightly. He then took a look at the time and winced. “Now, I have a meeting in two minutes, so I've got to dash. Oh, and if Angelica decides to come after me after all, please do me the courtesy of giving me a warning.”

* * *

_From: Jemmy_  
You need a speechwriter.

 _To: Jemmy_  
I am my own speechwriter, thank you very much

 _From: Jemmy_  
That's the problem.

* * *

_From: smarter than me_  
It's not me you need to worry about, Hamilton.  
It's Jemmy.  
He's on a warpath.

* * *

When Lin envisioned how his morning would go, having an irate vice president storm into his theater, all but screaming for blood, wasn't even _close_ to being on his mental list – although, upon further consideration, it really should have been. Lin needed to reexamine that list, considering that two of his actors had taken to meeting up with the State Secretary to gossip, presumably about Lin and Alexander's equally annoying working habits (something about how neither of them ever _stopped working_ ). They thought that they were being sneaky, but they really weren't.

But his thoughts were starting to wander. One fuming vice president? Check.

“Lin-Manuel Miranda,” Morrow began, “control your doppelgänger before I become the first vice president to murder his president.”

"That's not how it works," Lin began, but closed his mouth upon seeing the thunderous rage on Morrow's face. It was funny how little his height mattered when he wore _that_ expression. "Yes sir. I'll try my best, sir."

After James Morrow had left, Jon gingerly approached Lin. "What just happened?" he asked quietly.

Lin blinked. "I haven't the slightest clue."

* * *

_From: doppelgänger_  
Alex, you have a problem

 _To: doppelgänger_  
What is it?

 _From: doppelgänger_  
Your VP was here, rambling on about how I should control you lest he murders you

 _To: doppelgänger_  
Oh, THAT. I thought it was something serious

 _From: doppelgänger_  
Murder is kind of serious  
And permanent  
Just sayin'

 _To: doppelgänger_  
Meh, Jemmy does that every other week

* * *

“What's new in the world today, Angelica dearest?” Alexander said after finishing his coffee.

“Mostly harmless things. Your fan base has expanded further still, and they've moved on to other cabinet members. My personal favourite is the fact that they _know_ that Schmidt is a reincarnate but nobody is quite able to figure out exactly who he was,” Angelica said. “Also, quite a few questions have arisen, main among those the suspicion that your cabinet picks is you playing favourites instead of choosing the right person for the job.”

Alexander rolled his eyes. “Anyone who has so much as studied my career for five minutes knows that I have never done that,” he said exasperatedly. “I've never chosen a friend for something if another person could do the job better. I'm not John Adams,” he said patronizingly.

“ _I_ know that,” Angelica said pointedly, “but some people, whose only historical knowledge comes from listening to _Hamilton_ , don't. They think that, just like fake you wanted fake Washington to pick Laurens, Lafayette, and Mulligan as aides-de-camp, the real you also elevates those closest to you.”

“But that's not even what that scene is about,” Alexander objected hotly. “And there is about as much favouritism in my cabinet appointments as there is racism in Lin's choice of cast for _Hamilton_.”

“ _My point_ ,” Angelica persisted, “is that you need to give a statement refuting this. In this case, silence _is_ worse than acknowledging the rumours. Let's nip this in the bud while we still can.”

“Fine,” Alexander relented. “Press conference it is. Now, to more urgent matters. Does anyone speak the flower language?”

* * *

_Thomas Jenkins_ @Francoholic  
@AdotHam Did you just tell me 'fuck you' in flower. What the actual fuck, Hamilton.

* * *

_senpai-goat:_ so I was looking through twitter because I apparently have no life, and I saw a guy named thomas jenkins with the username 'francoholic'

 _senpai-goat:_ guys, thomas jenkins. thomas j. sound familiar?

 _senpai-goat:_ fact: he is also following our hamilsquad, and he is apparently dating a certain john lawrence

 _jeffersauce:_ OMG JEFFRENS IS CANON  <3 <3

* * *

_From: doppelgänger_  
The press is stalking me for interviews  
Like, even more than usual  
It's disconcerting. And creepy  
Should I direct them to you?

 _To: doppelgänger_  
DON'T YOU DARE  
LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA, DON'T YOU DARE  
I WILL SICC ANGELICA ON YOU

 _From: doppelgänger_  
Too late

 _To: doppelgänger_  
I will have my vengeance

* * *

Angelica frowned at her phone. “There has been a sudden spike in Jeffrens fics on AO3,” she murmured in bewilderment.

Burr raised a hand to stall her. “Okay, one," he began, "what is Jeffrens? And two, how do yo know about AO3?”

Angelica's responding smile was terrifying. “Methinks the better question is: how does the eminent Aaron Burr–“

“Sir,” Drawwood added. Angelica smirked as Burr groaned.

“–know about AO3?” she finished.

Burr looked away evasively.

“Hey,” Angelica grinned. “Now I'm curious. What is the majestic Aaron Burr doing on AO3? Let's play _quid pro quo_. You answer my question, I answer yours. I'll even go first. In my free time, I like to write my own version of reincarnation fanfics for the _Hamilton_ musical. My username is Kookookarli,” she grinned.

Drawwood gaped. “No way,” she breathed.

Lafayette smiled. “That explains why the 1776," he made air quotes around the six, "Angelica was elected president at the end.”

Angelica smirked. “You've read it, then,” she noted, a tone of pride in her voice.

“O _f course_ I have read it. It is practically a classic at this point,” Lafayette pointed out. “It is virtually impossible to go anywhere in the reincarnation trope without encountering that series of yours.”

“How sweet of you to say that,” Angelica replied playfully.

Alexander put his head in his hands. “Seriously?” he asked no one in particular. “We're supposed to be running a country, and instead, we sit here talking about _fanfiction_ , of all things?”

“First,” Angelica began, “it's not like we aren't effective enough to be able to afford it. Second, and more important, is the detail that I know for a fact that you write fanfics yourself. You shouldn't be throwing stones in glasshouses, Alexander.”

“Bricks in glasshouses,” Alexander corrected her automatically.

Angelica shrugged. “Stones are just as damaging if you throw them at glass, so I really don't see your problem.”

* * *

“You have a fan base now, you know,” Drawwood drawled, clicking away on her phone with a speed only a caffeinated person could achieve. “You all do. I feel a little left out, to be honest.”

Alexander groaned. “Does nobody in my cabinet actually work anymore?”

“It's actually creepy,” Drawwood continued, ignoring Alexander. “There are multiple communities dedicated just to trying to figure out which of your cabinet members are reincarnates. So far, they've figured out Motier. Then again, that's hardly difficult, considering you have the same name, _down to a tee_.”

“Why would they _do that_?” James asked with an adorable crease between his brows.

Drawwood shrugged nonchalantly. “I don't know, but you haven't even seen the lengths to which these guys are willing to go. They are literally combing over your cabinet – I think they've got it memorized at this point – analyzing just about every public interaction, every speech, every comment. They literally examine every single inconsequential detail in their search for clues. Like here,” she showed Alexander her phone, where one person had gone on a two-page rant about something or other, “they are analyzing your annual Thanksgiving pardon. You know, the one where you and Motier were so sickeningly adorable? Yeah, so they've got a theory for why you pardoned that particular turkey. Something about it secretly reminding you of the people you've lost and realizing that you had to save an innocent life. Mind, it doesn't explain why you only saved _one_ turkey, but these guys are _good_. They're putting the Sherlock fandom to shame.”

Angelica asked her for the website. Drawwood rambled it off, and Angelica found it with efficient speed. She skimmed through the text, whistling appreciatively. “I concur with Allison. Alex, you should offer them a job at the NSA. I think they might be onto Burr.”

The man in question groaned from his seat next to James. “Please no.”

Alexander shrugged. “History has its eyes on you,” he said with a shit-eating grin.

“No, but the most amusing part is them trying to come up with who I am,” Drawwood went on. “They seem to be under the impression that since I'm Secretary of the Treasury to _the_ Alexander Hamilton, you must have known me from before.”

Alexander did not quite know what to say, so he settled on another shrug. “Well, at least we have united this nation, even if this wasn't the way I was thinking of doing it.”

Angelica smiled as she read a message. “Yep. It's the first time I've seen the Fannibals and the Dexter fans having a cordial discussion. It just _figures_ that it would be over _you_ ,” she sent a withering glare at Alexander, though it was tinted with amusement. “Also, BuzzFeed publishes their findings daily. They don't even have to _do_ any research of their own, they just sort of step back and watch the chaos unfold. And by chaos,” Angelica shuddered, “I mean a thorough analysis of every last detail: clothing choice, pattern of speech, facial expression, whether eye contact was made, for _how long_ eye contact was made, and so on. At this point, they are even studying micro-expressions, which is _definitely_ entering the creepy territory. Never underestimate the minutia that fans are willing to wade through. BuzzFeed even added a new icon just for these articles. I'm torn between being amused or creeped out.”

"Go for amused," Alexander advised. "If you can't beat them, join them."

* * *

_To: Jemmy  
_ So my birthday's coming up

 _From: Jemmy  
_ No.

 _To: Jemmy  
_ But you haven't even heard my idea yet

 _From: Jemmy  
_ We are not going paintballing.

 _To: Jemmy  
_ Nah, that's boring and cliché

 _From: Jemmy  
_ We aren't going scuba diving either.

 _To: Jemmy  
_ Who said anything about scuba diving

 _From: Jemmy_  
You did, actually.  
Last year. And the year before that.  
My answer remains the same.

 _To: Jemmy  
_ I was actually thinking about laser tag this year

 _From: Jemmy  
_ That's basically the same as paintball

 _To: Jemmy_  
No, it's not  
This is lasers, not paint ammunition coming at you at a high velocity  
You can't accidentally blow another person's eye out with a laser

 _From: Jemmy  
_ You've clearly never met Aaron Burr, then.

 _To: Jemmy_  
… Point  
He'll be the referee, it's not like he'll want to take sides or anything anyway

 _From: Jemmy  
_ I am your VP, I don't want to have to explain to America why POTUS, who also happens to be one of the Founding Fathers, has expired due to laser tag.

 _To: Jemmy_  
You can chaperone  
I'll be on my best behaviour  
Pretty please, Jemmy

 _From: Jemmy  
_ … I want Diggs there as well.

 _To: Jemmy  
_ Already invited the whole cast

 _From: Jemmy  
_ Of course you did.

* * *

_Thomas Jenkins_ @Francoholic  
So what'd I miss?

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@Francoholic Two centuries' worth of politics, you duplicitous, pretentious scoundrel with no actual grasp on economy.

 _Frederick Schmidt_ @HugMeFuckMe  
And so the American experiment begins. #hamiltonvsjefferson2k17

 _Angelica Smith_ @archangel_smith  
@JemmyMorrow @FrenchBaguette @JdotMraw Make them stop. Please, just make them stop.

 _James Morrow_ @JemmyMorrow  
@archangel_smith I was going to request the same thing of you.

 _Thomas Jenkins_ @Francoholic  
@AdotHam I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@Francoholic I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

 _Angelica Smith_ @archangel_smith  
Actually, I think they enjoy insulting each other. It might be some sort of a twisted hobby. #hamiltonvsjefferson2k17

 _Frederick Schmidt_ @HugMeFuckMe  
Foreplay? #jamilton

 _John Lawrence_ @JdotMraw  
@HugMeFuckMe NO NO NO

 _John Lawrence_ @JdotMraw  
@HugMeFuckMe Not that I'm against a threesome with @AdotHam , but still NO

 _Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette_ @FrenchBaguette  
@HugMeFuckMe I'm afraid I'm rather possessive. #jamilton #nottoday

 _Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette_ @FrenchBaguette  
Then again, if @AdotHam , @Francoholic , and @JdotMraw are up for it… #foursome #jeffreniltoneytte

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@FrenchBaguette We are NOT using that as our ship name. I refuse. #jefayensilton

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@FrenchBaguette I also refuse to have sex with @Francoholic , but that's another thing entirely.

 _Hercules Scott_ @TaylorsUnited  
@AdotHam Please, like you wouldn't sleep with anything that stands still for long enough. #lamilafferson

 _Hercules Scott_ @TaylorsUnited  
@AdotHam There's a reason Lady Washington named her horny cat 'Hamilton'.

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@TaylorsUnited I feel like I should be offended.

* * *

_New York Post_ @nypost  
@Francoholic confirmed as Thomas Jefferson!

 _Thomas Jenkins_ @Francoholic  
@AdotHam Control your newspaper @nypost

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@Francoholic It's adorable how you think that I can control the free press. There's a reason it's called the FREE press.

* * *

_bestofwiives:_ okay but did you know that alex's foster parents are dr and mrs westchester. as in, GEORGE and MARTHA westchester

 _angel-castielwinchester:_ no way

 _bestofwiives:_ yes way *grins manically* *hums meet me inside* **  
**

* * *

“Is this Dr Westchester?”

“… Yes, who is this?”

“My name is Olga Kentsson. Pardon me, sir, but I will have to be abrupt: are you George Washington?”

“Even if I was, I am not interested in whatever it is you would be trying to manipulate me into.”

* * *

_Olga Kentsson_ @månsfan89  
Okay, so George Washington really doesn't like publicity. Like, at all. Like, 'bite your head off if you ask' kind of dislike.

 _Giles Amon_ @ynottony  
@månsfan89 G.Washington is back???

* * *

_George Washington Returns!_

In yet another twist, a Twitter user has discovered that General George Washington, the first president in our country and our most essential Founding Father, has returned. His name is currently George Westchester. He's a doctor this time around, explaining that “saving lives has always appealed to me more than taking them”.

What is even more interesting is that his wife, Martha, is the reincarnation of Martha Washington, his erstwhile wife, and they are both foster parents to President Hampton, or, as we all know by now, Alexander Hamilton. Yes, my readers, George Washington has finally gotten the paternal relationship he wanted with General Hamilton.

This raises questions: did the president know the identity of his foster father? Will General Washington want to return to politics? Why has he not come forward before? Or is he, most intriguingly, ashamed of his past sins? “Well,” says one congressman, “he did own slaves and is now a black. If that's not karma, I ain't know what is. Then again, Thomas Jefferson's in the same bandwagon. [For those of our readers who have been living as hermits for the past week, Thomas Jefferson has been revealed to have been reincarnated as Thomas Jenkins, a renowned Virginian lawyer, who is, indeed, a person of colour.] It's a shame, really.”

This brings us to our current dilemma. Since reincarnations are rare enough for people to disbelieve their very existence, why this high concentration from a very specific time period? Why these exact people? After all, the sheer odds of meeting someone from one's past life are, according to mathematicians, so ridiculously high as to be absurd to even discuss. Are we, therefore, facing an imminent disaster?

Only time will tell.

_James T. Cal_

Chief editor

* * *

_Mark Bartlett_ @MawkBawt  
On behalf of the New York Society Library, we kindly request that George Washington returns two books he borrowed back in 1789, and has failed to return since.

 _Mark Bartlett_ @MawkBawt  
We aren't actively pursuing the overdue fines, but we would be VERY grateful if we were able to get the books back.

* * *

“The New York Library is requesting you return those books you borrowed, dad,” Alexander announced, entering the kitchen in the Westchester mansion, where Martha had been enjoying a cup of tea and a sudoku while George had been reading the daily paper.

George blinked. “What books?” he responded disbelievingly. "What are you talking about? I haven't been to a library in _ages_."

Alexander rolled his eyes. “That's the problem. Commons debates and a law book, according to the head librarian,” he took out his phone, scrolled through something, then found what he had been looking for. He read aloud. “'Under the rules of the library, the books should have been handed back by 2 November that same year, and their borrower and presumably his descendants have been liable to fines of a few cents a day ever since. Other prominent borrowers who used the collection did not appear to have the same problems with returning titles. The first treasury secretary, Alexander Hamilton, the first chief justice, John Jay, and Thomas Jefferson's vice-president, Aaron Burr, are all listed in the ledger under both borrowing _and return dates_ ,'” he put down the newspaper to glare at George. “Seriously. You forgot to return a pair of books for _two hundred years_. You're lucky they're not demanding a late fine, because you would be looking at over three hundred _thousand_ dollars, father dearest. You should be _ashamed_.”

George groaned as Martha snickered. She glanced at Alexander with twinkling eyes. “I'll try to track down these books,” she promised. “Then I'll send George to return them, because I do agree that this is a lesson he needs to learn.”

* * *

_Fox News_ @foxnews  
Thomas Jefferson revealed to be gay!

 _John Berkley_ @JohnBrk  
@foxnews That's not Thomas Jefferson. He would never stoop to such a low level. (1/3)

 _John Berkley_ @JohnBrk  
@foxnews The White House simply hired an actor being paid to participate in this hoax cooked up by the liberals. (2/3)

 _John Berkley_ @JohnBrk  
@foxnews Quite frankly, it is disgraceful to what lengths people these days will go to keep power. (3/3)

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@JohnBrk You really don't see the irony in what you're saying, do you? Besides, there is a ton of evidence that Jenkins is who he claims he is.

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@JohnBrk You are simply too bigoted to accept it.

* * *

_To: female me_  
So apparently Lin knows how to forge my signature

 _From: female me_  
Your signature as in Alexander Hampton? Because that just might be illegal to forge.

 _To: female me_  
No, my signature as in Alexander Hamilton

 _From: female me_  
Then what's the problem? It's not like he'll be using it to take over the world.  
Besides, Alexander Hamilton is DEAD. His signature is invalid on legal documents.

 _To: female me_  
HE KEEPS USING IT TO SIGN ME UP FOR THESE RIDICULOUS THINGS

 _From: female me_  
Like?

 _To: female me_  
'A TROPIC DAY AT THE SPA WITH YOUR LOVED 1'  
THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT IT SAYS  
THEY'RE TOO LAZY TO SPELL OUT 'ONE'

 _From: female me_  
Jesus, sir, chill.  
Just learn his signature  
Payback's a bitch  
or so I've heard

 _To: female me_  
Challenge accepted.

 _From: female me_  
There you go. Now go away. I'm currently busy.

 _To: female me_  
Folding airplanes?

 _From: female me_  
Schhhh. I'm winning the distance competition by four feet.

 _To: female me_  
Aren't you in the Senate?

 _From: female me_  
Yes, but we weren't getting anything done, so I called for a break.  
One thing led to another, and now I have a hundred senators trying to beat my record in airplane throwing.  
Tyler from Tennessee keeps arguing with Lyndon from PenNsylvania that the sea gull technique is better than the typhoon one

 _To: female me_  
You will never forgive me that mistake, will you

 _From: female me_  
Nope.  
Also, for the record, Tyler is right. As a fellow Pennsylvanian, I am ashamed of Lyndon's lack of paper airplane knowledge.

* * *

_To: doppelgänger  
_ I hope you enjoy browsing sex toys ;)

 _From: doppelgänger_  
Oooh, good one. Likewise, I do hope you like shopping at H &M ;)

 _To: doppelgänger_  
However did you guess my favorite hobby? ;)

* * *

_Washington Post_ @washingtonpost  
New accusations have arisen about President Hamilton's cabinet members. People are now asking themselves whether Attorney General

 _Washington Post_ @washingtonpost  
Aaron Bartow is the reincarnation of Aaron Burr, a man most famous for killing Alexander Hamilton, the president's past identity, in a duel.

 _Washington Post_ @washingtonpost  
We have reached out to the White House for a comment, to no avail.

* * *

“And that concludes our briefing for the day,” Aaron said in a final tone. “Questions?” he asked, letting his eyes sweet the crowd of reporters. A sea of hands shot up. Aaron sighed in resignation. “I don't suppose that any of these questions are in regards to the president's new drone policy?” he asked hopefully, choosing a reporter at random. “Mr Gordon from _The Washington Post_.”

“Are you the reincarnation of Aaron Burr?”

Aaron tensed up. He forced himself to smile at the reporter in question. “That will be all for today,” he took a step back from the podium, making his retreat as quickly as dignity allowed him.

* * *

“Any questions so far?” Alexander said to the room at large. Virtually every reporter raised their hand. These days, every reporter had a question about _everything_.

The Washington Post reporter waved his hand exaggeratedly. Alexander heaved a sigh. “Yes, Mr Gordon?” he said acerbically.

Gordon either did not pick up on Alexander's tone, or chose to ignore it. “I never got an answer to my question,” he said loudly. “Let me repeat myself: is your attorney general the former Vice President Burr?”

Alexander almost rolled his eyes. He stole a quick glance at Aaron, who stood as still as a statue, probably terrified. He seemed resigned to his fate. Alexander tilted his head, addressing Aaron, “Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?” he said with a shit-eating grin on his face.

Aaron winced internally. “That depends, who's asking?” he said long-sufferingly, his body tense as he prepared himself for the inevitable backlash. He was all too aware of Aaron Burr's reputation to delude himself that he would escape that particular mess unscathed.

Alexander planned to remedy that. He could see that Aaron was just so full of guilt over his past self's actions, and, despite the front he tried to put up, Alexander knew that he was afraid of the judgement which the public would heap upon him, should they find out who he used to be. To put it simply, Aaron did not want to be cast as a villain, not again. (Alexander could certainly empathize with that.)

If Alexander had to compare this to something, it would be forcing someone out of the closet. Outing someone, whether their sexuality or their past life, wasn't something one did without the person's explicit permission. Alexander made a mental note to remove Mr Gordon from the White House's list of reporters, although, knowing Angelica, she was already on it.

Alexander shot him a reassuring smile, then turned to address the annoying reporter. “I trust that this answers your question, Mr Gordon,” he said dryly, tone condescending. “Now, for something actually relevant to the topic we are discussing, let's take Miss Léon over there,” he stretched to point at an older woman at the back who had been nervously tapping a pen against her notebook. She was one of the few reporters who still used a notebook, and for that, she was automatically one of Alexander's favourite reporters.

Léon perked up. “Yes, sir,” she began. “I was wondering whether you had planned to change your policy on training flights over Iran.”

With a smile, Alexander launched into a detailed explanation of his foreign policy on airborne weapons. He could practically feel Aaron's gratitude.

James facepalmed at Alexander's antics. As he would find out later, someone had miraculously managed to take a picture of him facepalming, adding the caption 'u know uve chosen the wrong reinc friend when'.

* * *

_From: the lancelot of the revolutionary set_  
still not a big fan of foia, I see

 _To: the lancelot of the revolutionary set_  
foia what foia  
de quoi est-ce que tu parles?

 _From: the lancelot of the revolutionary set_  
the freedom of information act  
basically, the public knows whatever you text

 _To: the lancelot of the revolutionary set_  
oops  
wait  
does that mean everyone knows about the hamilton recording thing  
where we recorded the songs and dances ourselves and it's the most ridiculous thing ever  
the one we keep secret for 'security purposes' but it's mostly because only betsey and herc are actually decent singers

 _From: the lancelot of the revolutionary set_  
bof  
MAINTENANT ils savent

_To: the lancelot of the revolutionary set_  
well foia doesn't scare me I know what the fuck I wrote

* * *

_Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
Before you start judging Aaron, kindly remember that we made up. I don't hold anything against him. He feels guilty as hell for his

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
past actions. Just leave him alone We are friends again. #supportburrsir

 _Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette_ @FrenchBaguette  
#supportburrsir because he makes the best coffee in the world. @AaronBartow , should you ever tire of politics or law, open a coffee house.

* * *

_Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
Happy Halloween! #vampirePOTUS  
_[Picture attached]_

 _Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette_ @FrenchBaguette  
@AdotHam I see your #vampirePOTUS and raise you a #zombieStateSec  
_[Picture attached]_

 _Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette_ @FrenchBaguette  
@AdotHam Also, is that the donut you were whining about?  
_[Picture attached]_

* * *

_BuzzFeed_ @BuzzFeed  
Quiz of the day: which #presidenthamilton donut are you? bzfd.it/2hQ8OdJ

 _Frederick Schmidt_ @HugMeFuckMe  
@BuzzFeed Apparently, I am chocolate chip, which is just outrageous. I'd be the one with the strawberry topping. Shame on you, BuzzFeed.

* * *

_jeffersauce:_ No but what I am saying is that there is no way she can possibly be anyone but Eliza, is what I'm saying. Alex wouldn't trust anyone else with the nation's finances.

 _Moccalattewithmilk_ : Okay, correction: Having met Eliza Schuyler, I can tell you with unswerving certainty that she has as much economical knowledge as Thomas Jefferson, so Hampton wouldn't hire her for Treasury.

 _alexandanger:_ Who even refers to AHam as Hampton?

 _Moccalattewithmilk_ : I do. He's kind of my boss, so it would be rude to do otherwise.

 _alexandanger:_ who are you.

 _Moccalattewithmilk_ : Allison Drawwood.

 _alexandanger:_ 1\. proof or it's not true 2. aren't you supposed to be working.

 _Moccalattewithmilk_ : 2. The Congress is being obstinate about a plan of mine, so here I am, stalking my boss' stalkers. 1. _[Picture attached]_

 _jeffersauce:_ we have SO MANY QUESTIONS

 _Moccalattewithmilk:_ So I have noticed. Very well, shoot.

 _alexandanger:_ was that a pun

 _Moccalattewithmilk:_ Pun what pun.

* * *

_Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@Francoholic You know, I think I've finally found something we can safely agree on.

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@Francoholic James T. Callender was a horrible excuse for a human being, and should never have been a journalist.

 _Thomas Jenkins_ @Francoholic  
@AdotHam As much as I hate to say this, I do agree with you on that.

 _Thomas Jenkins_ @Francoholic  
@AdotHam He was the sole person whom I hated more than you.

 _James Morrow_ @JemmyMorrow  
What has the world come to? @AdotHam and @Francoholic have agreed on smth. #OnTheLookoutForAerialPigs

* * *

_To: doppelgänger_  
So you know the pics we took when you were last here  
The ones with you, me, and old me

 _From: doppelgänger_  
Yeah, what about them

 _To: doppelgänger_  
I want to break the internet again

 _From: doppelgänger_  
Are you thinking what I think you are thinking  
Because YES

* * *

_Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
Three Hamiltons in the same frame, with @Lin_Manuel  
_[Picture attached]  
__974 389 reblogs_

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
Pester @JemmyMorrow , @Francoholic , @FrenchBaguette , and @AaronBartow for more.

 _Cameron Graves_ @IheartHammie  
@AdotHam: 'Three Hamiltons in the same frame' A THREE-SHOT WITH THE CAST, THE REINCS, AND THE ORIGINAL PAINTINGS I CAN'T EVEN  
_[Picture attached]_

 _Cameron Graves_ @IheartHammie  
THEY ARE SIGNED. LIKE DO EVEN YOU REALIZE HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME

 _Cameron Graves_ @IheartHammie  
APPARENTLY AHAM AND LMM DID EACH OTHER'S SIGNATURES AND THAT'S JUST THE MOST ADORABLE THING TO EVER HAPPEN

* * *

How was this _even her life_.

Drew had never really understood why Starbucks needed to be open from 5 am. After all, it wasn't as if someone was even up at that time.

Well, not until the day a woman stormed into the coffee shop, leaving a trail of havoc in her wake. The sole other customer standing by the counter, awaiting her caramel frappucino, blinked owlishly at the woman, as though unable to believe that there existed another person who was awake at the crack of stupid.

The woman in question stopped at the counter. “Hello. Two big espressos for Alex; a strawberry latte, also for Alex; a chocolate-covered raspberry frappucino for Frederick; caramel pumpkin spice latte for French boy; cinnamon mocha latte for Allison; mint frappucino for Jemmy; and green tea for Aaron,” the woman rattled off her order quickly.

Drew blinked. "Who even drinks tea at,” she surreptitiously looked at the clock, “five fourteen in the morning?” she muttered under her breath, but the woman heard her anyway.

She huffed. “Aaron Bartow, that's who. I swear, he is the very epitome of a morning person. I have never seen anyone so chipper at five in the morning, and that includes the time my boss didn't sleep, having spent the night being sustained by caffeine.”

The other customer tilted her head. “Aaron Bartow. That sounds familiar. Isn't that the guy who used to be Aaron Burr?”

Crazy Lady narrowed her eyes at her fellow Starbucks visitor, studying her before answering. “Maybe. Why?”

The first woman perked up. “It's just that I'm a history major, specializing in the Revolution.”

“I imagine all this reincarnation business is like a dream come true for you Revolutionary War historians,” Crazy Lady said carefully, prompting a laugh from the history major.

“You can say that again,” the other agreed, then offered her hand. “Lily Evans – yes, I know, my parents must have hated me,” she added, as though mechanically. “I'm just considering myself lucky that they decided not to name me Bellatrix or Andromeda.”

“Or Nymphadora,” Crazy Lady said easily, joining the banter. She shook Lily's hand. “Allison Drawwood.”

Lily grinned, leaning forward a little so that she was just about intruding on Allison's personal space. “What's the Secretary of the Treasury doing at a Starbucks at the crack of stupid?”

Allison eyed Lily speculatively. “I lost rock-paper-scissors to Motier, so I got saddled with the morning coffee run today.”

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "Don't you have interns for that?"

Drawwood shook her head. "Not at five in the morning, we don't."

Lily put her hand on the counter, where it slowly began edging towards Allison's. Allison seemed to notice, but did nothing to either encourage or discourage her behaviour. “It's truly an honour to meet you, Allison Drawwood,” Lily said enthusiastically. “Is it weird to work with all those historical figures?”

Allison shrugged off the question. “Haven't thought about it. Not any weirder than working anywhere else, I suppose.”

Having finished the coffees, Drew decided to pitch in. “You must be really _something_ for Alexander Hamilton to have picked you for Treasury. By the way, your coffee's done. That'll be $30.42.”

Allison offered the sum required, then, after a glance at the clock, grabbed the tray of coffees and made her way to the exit. “Well, it was nice talking to you, but I've got a country to run. See you later, ladies.”

* * *

_Fox News_ @foxnews  
People ask themselves: has 'President Hamilton' chosen his cabinet members based on favoritism rather than merit?

 _Fox News_ @foxnews  
How else would one explain the fact that most, if not all, cabinet members are reincarnates?

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@foxnews If you know ANYTHING about me, you should have been aware that I have always been a firm exponent of meritocracy.

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@foxnews If you are looking for someone who would wanted to further the careers of his friends at the expense of the common (1/3)

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@foxnews good, look no further than Thomas Jefferson. Or, better yet, John Adams, who exhorted me to promote his son-in-law (2/3)

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@foxnews to brigadier general, this despite the fact that the man in question was chronically indebted and constantly imprisoned. (3/3)

 _George Clark_ @SenGeorgeClark  
@AdotHam Like you didn't make plans to liberate Venezuela with your army.

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@SenGeorgeClark But I never acted on them.

 _George Clark_ @SenGeorgeClark  
@AdotHam The intent was still there.

* * *

_Ben Batch_ @BenBatch  
@AdotHam It's not legal to choose your friends as cabinet members.

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@BenBatch Do you seriously want to debate THE LAW with me?

 _Ben Batch_ @BenBatch  
@AdotHam Well, it's not MORALLY RIGHT to choose your friends as cabinet members.

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@BenBatch You know what else isn't morally right? Owning slaves. You know what four of the five first presidents did WHILE IN OFFICE? Own slaves.

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@BenBatch My entire life is more or less public knowledge, so do your homework before you accuse me of ethic errors of judgment.

* * *

_Allison Drawwood_ @InARichMansWorld  
I have been asked whether the U.S. Mint is going to change the currency, since, by law, no living person can appear on US currency.

 _Allison Drawwood_ @InARichMansWorld  
This legislature has sparked off a furious debate since there is nothing about whether this applies to reincarnates.

 _Allison Drawwood_ @InARichMansWorld  
Which, by the way, shame on you, @AdotHam , @JemmyMorrow , @vineandfigtree , @Francoholic , @AaronBartow . You owe me SO MANY COFFEES.

 _Allison Drawwood_ @InARichMansWorld  
Dammit, you WERE AWARE OF reincarnation back in the 18 th century. You KNEW this was going to happen eventually. MEN.

 _Allison Drawwood_ @InARichMansWorld  
Anyway, the point is that there is nothing against someone's past life appearing on the currency while the reincarnate in question is alive.

 _Allison Drawwood_ @InARichMansWorld  
Otherwise, we wouldn't be able to have any people on currency because we would never be able to ascertain with perfect accuracy that they are not alive.

 _Allison Drawwood_ @InARichMansWorld  
So, as Treasury Secretary, I'm making the bold decision to just table this topic because, in all honesty, it's futile, and it keeps giving me a headache.

 _Allison Drawwood_ @InARichMansWorld  
You're more than welcome to appeal to the Supreme Court. Until you do, end of discussion.

* * *

_Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
I SWEAR TO GOD, IF ONE MORE PERSON QUOTES THE MUSICAL AT ME

 _George Westchester_ @vineandfigtree  
@AdotHam Be quiet, Alexander. That's an order from your commander.

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@vineandfigtree I feel like I have been betrayed by someone in whom I trusted implicitly. I don't like it.

 _Aaron Bartow_ @AaronBartow  
@AdotHam If you talk, you're gonna get shot.

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@AaronBartow Someone help. I'm being repressed.

 _Angelica Smith_ @archangel_smith  
@AdotHam If I see @Lin_Manuel around, I might compel him to include you in the sequel.

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@archangel_smith Why do you keep quoting it. You KNOW I have an awful singing voice.

 _Philippa Soo_ @actual_cinnamon_roll  
Speaking of awful singing voices. @AdotHam , @archangel_smith , @Francoholic , @JemmyMorrow , @AaronBartow , @vineandfigtree (1/4)

 _Philippa Soo_ @actual_cinnamon_roll  
@FrenchBaguette , @TaylorsUnited , @JdotMraw , @magarita32 , and @Very_Special_Agent_Phillip_Faucette have recorded their (2/4)

 _Philippa Soo_ @actual_cinnamon_roll  
introduction songs. Furthermore @Francoholic , @JemmyMorrow , and @AdotHam have, with @Lin_Manuel 's permission, recorded (3/4)

 _Philippa Soo_ @actual_cinnamon_roll  
the Cabinet Battles. The CDs are to be released next week. All revenues go to Graham Windham. (4/4)

 _Alexander Hampton_ @AdotHam  
@actual_cinnamon_roll Best of wives and best of women <3

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to _Crossover_Addict_ for serving as the inspiration for 80% of the 'plot'. Also a shout-out to _Kookookarli_ for letting me use that username for Angelica.
> 
> Do you even realize how relieved I am to be able to write 2017 as the year, instead of 2016 like you have no idea
> 
> I actually saw a post a while back that essentially said 'I was introduced to a girl who I had been told learned some Elvish. At first I was excited, but then I found out that she knew Sindarin, and I was like, who would choose Sindarin over Quenya? Anyways that was the most Feanorian thought that I ever had.' and I figured that would be Alexander's attitude as well. 
> 
> As to the Ta'al thing... I have actually this tendency of, instead of waving normally, just showing people the Ta'al and seeing how many reciprocate it. It's actually a habit at this point.
> 
> Recommended reading: [177(6)](http://archiveofourown.org/series/485702) by [Kookookarli](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Kookookarli/pseuds/Kookookarli), and [A More Perfect Union](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7233154/chapters/16419826) by [holograms](http://archiveofourown.org/users/holograms/pseuds/holograms).


End file.
